Saturday, April 6, 2013


I'm feeling more and more lost each day...

Recently got a warning letter for low attendance and literally my heart sunk. Like 'what is this?' 'Whats gonna happen to me?' 'No I don't want this' I didn't used to be like this. I'm starting to hate my current self... It's like I'm turning more bitchy ... Why? It's like I'm back to my rebellious stage.

I bet no one will ever understand my feelings because all they think is 'this girl is so lucky to have everything she can ever want.' But do they understand the whole picture? No. And no one ever will understand the whole situation of another, not even your parents. Everyone is one sided, admit it. Everyone see things the way they feel is best for them because of envy. But because of envy is also why people strive to be better than the person they envy. They say envy is one of the seven great sins but to me, envy is a source of motivation for everyone.... Think about it... If the celebrities now didn't envy their seniors do you think they'll be what they are now? Sure many people are gonna say its they perseverance that made them what they are but what is behind that perseverance? It's the thought of wanting to be like they idol that made them work hard... That thought was envy.

Anyways back to topic. After receiving the letter I'm feeling even more lost than before. Because of my parents' overprotectiveness, I can't do what I want. Or rather, I don't even know what I want. All I did the past 20 years of my life was following their 'orders' of what they think is best for me. They you're just gonna say,'Be brave and do what you want!' But is it really that easy? Of cos not. This ain't the movies. Nothing's goes your way until you start working for really. To even start with, how are you gonna support yourself financially if you leave home at the age of let's say... 15? No one is even gonna hire you since everyone wants at least a 16 years of kid. Then lets day your already 18 you can work more kinds of jobs. But how is it gonna support you? Not even one bit because that lil pay won't even be able to support your 3 meals/day expense.

The world is harsh, no doubt. And I don't have a solution for it. If I had I would've been out of living on my own long ago.